Thursday, July 5, 2012

Another Insecure Writer's Rant

I took a long time from my writing duties as I escaped back into the arms of vacation. After two years, I went to visit family and friends in Mexico City where I found the city's traffic impossible and the problems of the city much of the same. I enjoyed the company of many members of my family who don't have the means to visit us in the US and the girls had a huge dose of pampers that will cost me years to undo, but hey, what are grandparents for if not to spoil their grandkids?

All in all it was an awesome trip that we as a family deserved. We even got a cute little addition to our family in the form of an adorable two month old beagle the kids named Luna. It was all worth it and from the most unexpected of places I also won a life lesson I won't be forgetting anytime soon.
Luna and the two cutest monsters you'll ever meet.

You've all heard how the insecurity is in Mexico, how dangerous it is, how unsafe. Well, I'm Mexican and I thought I was above feeling insecure in my own house. I thought I was above having to look where I was going into, or looking above my shoulders. I refused to give in to those alarmist reports and brazenly stepped into areas my own compatriots warned me against. I was this close to pay dearly for that mistake and I risked the lives of those I love the most. I won't go into the details of it, it'll take us way too long and off course of my point. I'll just give you the basic setting: It was both of my parents, my two girls, and me on an SUV trying to escape a sports car with two armed men bent on getting us. All on a small highway about four hours from the city. Let's just say I haven't been more scared in my life and I've never seen the barrel of a gun up so close.

I don't blame Mexico's situation, not even the drug cartels, I blame me and my hardheadedness. I should have known better that to risk my family's safety just to spite those who call my country a dangerous one. Sadly, they are right.

Anyway, the reason why I bring this up for our monthly Insecure Writer's Support meeting is because it made me reflect a lot about my life and my priorities. I've complained in the past for not having enough time to dedicate to my writing, for having way too much to do with two very young kids in the house. Well, in that split moment when I feared at least one member of my family would die, my writing was the one thing that din't flash before my eyes. I thought about not seeing my kids grow old, about living without my parents, about my husband being alone to raise our girls, but my already published book, its lack of outstanding sells, and the numerous pieces I'm working on didn't even register in my mind.

So many of us spend so much time unhappy about the state of our writing career that we loose sight of how important are the things taking most of our time! I do love writing, but I want my epitaph to say "Loving Mother and Wife" not "Dedicated Writer". Think about this, where your heart truly lies, and next time you feel depressed because of how little your career has advanced, picture that epitaph on your grave. What will it say? What do you want it to say?


Mina Lobo said...

You make a good point. Glad you (and your family) made it through such a horrifying experience safely!
Some Dark Romantic

Escape Artist Linda said...

Oh, how beautiful...and scary!
What a lovely family you have. Yes, cherish them!
Just popped over from Write Escape. Glad I did! : )

Michael Pierce said...

Welcome back. I can't even imagine what that would have been like. Luckily the story had a happy ending, and you got a cute new addition to the family. You make a great point about keeping things in perspective.

Myrna R. said...

What a great post. I really appreciate what you say. I often regret that I'm not writing enough, that I don't have the time. But what you say makes so much sense. I'd definitely prefer to be a good person rather than just a good writer.

Enjoyed reading this.

shelly said...

Nice post! And thank you for coming by my blog and giving me some helpful advice.

Now a follower.

Gina said...

Thanks to all for your nice thoughts, it was a frightening experience and I'm happy it ended up being but an anecdote.

@Mina, thanks!

@Linda, I do cherish my gang dearly. Thanks for stopping by!

@Michael! Happy to be back! There's nothing like an extreme experience to put the dots in the i's. =)

@Myrna, it is so easy to become engrossed by our everyday goals that we miss sight of what's truly important. Thanks for commenting.

@Shelly, happy to give my 2c. Thanks for following!

Shah Wharton said...

Exactly - I complain about the numerous visitor we get because we live so far from our family/friends - that take me away form things I should be doing - writing/editing/blogging etc. But it will be those times which flash through me mind before I die, not the dedication and hours of writing I spent. So glad you escaped intact.... and I hope nothing similar happens to you again. Stay safe. X

Deniz Bevan said...

Glad to hear you're all safe. And you're right - it's important to focus on the important things. It's all too easy to get caught up in word counts...

Lexa Cain said...

I'm so sorry your wonderful vacation took a dark turn. People should live in peace and freedom, and you shouldn't blame yourself if that's the way you'd like to live, too. It's a great shame that others in the world won't let us live that way.

Charmaine Clancy said...

Make sure you give yourself what you need to overcome the traumatic experience you went through, sounded horrifying!

Gina said...

Thanks Shah, I am very happy to be able to tell the tale and a new-found appreciation for the time spent with other members of my family, so I guess it was not a terrible experience after all. =)

Deniz, if more of us learn to enjoy of the sun on our skin and the constant babbling of our neighbor, I think the world will be better. Thanks for your good wishes!

Lexa, I know in this world the fear of finding 'bad people 's is ever more present but by living in fear we're making their task way too easy. Let's live happy and fully without fear. =)

Writing about the experience is very cathartic but I still got a nightmare the other day, so I guess more talking and writing is due. Just hope not to get my friends tired of listening/reading about it. ;)

randi lee said...

It is defintely important to focus on, well, the important things. Word count can wait. I'm glad you all made it through ok!

Gina said...

Thanks Randi. It is sad that we need of this 'nudges' from God to remember where the true value of a life lies. However, I'm planning to get full advantage from it. Thanks for your well wishes =)