About Learning and Moving Forward.

To those new to the support group, welcome to the most awesome party on the net! To the old timers, I hope you are closing the year with an upbeat spirit! This group is meant to offer a place to vent your insecurities and help heal other writer's insecurities and that's great. Let's all thank Captain Ninja Alex Cavanaugh for creating the group and keeping it together. How? Well, go visit his site and all other participating blogs!

I don't know about you, but November just flew and I didn't even notice. I hope those of you who participated in NaNoWriMo feel accomplished; in one sense of another you all are winners. Such a tough challenge! Though I did not join the NaNo train, I did set my own challenge for myself: Finish my novel before Christmas. Many of you pointed out that 3000 words a day as a goal was a bit ambitious. And you were right! Believe it or not, there was a moment in my life not too far ago when I could churn up 3K/day no prob. Sadly, I'm not there now. Yet.

How's the project going? Fffine... I guess??? 

Here's the deal: I write short stories ALL of the time. To me, short stories are easy. When I conceptualize one, I see it almost like a cube that I can rotate in my mind to see where it came from, where it's going, and how many events are in between those points. Novels, on the other hand, are harder for me to picture. I can't see the whole of the story, therefore, I have a really hard time going from one event to the other without knowing my destination. Sorry, just not the way my mind works. To complicate things even more, too much time has passed since I came up with the idea of this book. 

At this point, I'm not even sure what was it that I set out to write. Sometimes I feel like I just lost the story somewhere last year. But despite these set backs, I've been writing constantly. The first week of the project I barely managed a hundred words a day. Last Friday I did the happy dance with about 1500 words for the week. No where near the goal, but I'm moving forward. Writing these days is frustrating, annoying, baffling, and encouraging all at the same time. 

But I'm moving forward. 

Why do I keep putting myself through this when I could be much happier writing short stories, you ask? Well, first, because I'm too damn hardheaded to allow a set of stupid characters I made up win the battle. But more importantly, because I'm learning. I'm developing my own way to write a novel and when the next idea for a long story comes, it'll be easier. 

I'm pretty sure Deliverance will be unpublishable even after extensive rewrites and editions (but who knows, right? A writer's gotta dream), however, it'll have served a purpose. Stopping right now and letting it go is to admit defeat. It'd mean that all those moths I dedicated to this project were a waste. But learning is never a waste, so I'm choosing to see this through the end.

It'll clearly take longer than until Christmas, though. *Hangs head in exhaustion*

On the happy news front: (Just to end up upbeat) I managed to write a short story and submit it to the DoubleDay/Bloomhouse contest. Wish me luck!!

To you all, I wish a happy season full of satisfactions and love. See you on 2015!!

IWSG November Edition

I don't know where the year went but there's an extra cozy layer in my bed and I'm wearing scarfs and jackets all the time. Yep, winter is a-coming. Now many of us write in a panic-induce fervor, trying to accomplish as much as possible to feel like we didn't waste another year of our lives. Others call it NaNoWriMo.

(That was a joke. I totally admire all of you who have the passion and stamina to even attempt NaNoWriMo. Hat's off to you!)

As many of you know, this has been a hectic second half of the year for my family. I've been concentrated in our move, finding a new house, selling the old one, and getting the girls started in a new school and new language. That left me no mind to write at all. Before I noticed, 4 months had passed. Lately, though, I can see the family settling into a rhythm; there's still much to get used to, but the stress level has gone down for everyone and I feel like we are finally in our way. So last week, I decided it was time to go back to my writing. Except that my brain hurts from trying so hard, my hand cramps after writing too much, and my fingers move too slow over the keyboard.

Way to start over... Thankfully, the Coffin Hop was just around the corner. Of all the blog hops I've participated through the years, the Coffin Hop's the one I've enjoyed the most. I decided to use the hop as a training camp. I researched my theme, wrote roughs by hand, and typed everything into my blog later on. I followed a schedule and put my butt on the chair weather I felt like it or not. And I had a blast.

With the success of the hop, now I feel empowered to tackle my latest novel project and I have a plan. Like I said, I just don't have the stamina to try NaNo, but I've decided to set a more realistic approach for myself. I'm going to dedicate every day of the week (but take the weekends off for family stuff) from here until a week before Christmas to write my novel. If I write an average of 3000 words/day, I'll be done with the first draft by then. So far I've been crippled by my own critical mind, obsessed over covering every plot hole I can think off before I even start. So this time I won't think too much, I'll simply write. It'll need a boatload of work, it'll be crap, but it'll be done. I can work with that. What I can't do is edit a piece that isn't written.

So wish me good luck, my fellow insecure writers, as I wish you a happy Thanksgiving. Good luck in your writing endeavors! May the Muse be with you.

And don't forget to support other insecure fellas. Just follow this link...

Uncertainties

There's an old saying in Spanish: "There's no date that doesn't arrive, term that won't reach an end, nor debt that doesn't get paid." So far in my life, I have found that these are words you can live by. As much as you dread a moment, a meeting, a change, you can't stop time from slipping by, getting you closer to that date with each ticking of the clock. As long and hard as a that gloomy period in your life seems to be, it'll reach an end and the sun will shine once more. And that last one, debts that have to be paid, looks a lot like karma--which I blindly believe in.

So, yeah. I find comfort in those words that have been repeated a million times over through centuries. They still ring true today. Actually, if you think about it, every uncertainty that enters your life walks by the hand of inevitability. Funny how two concepts so seemingly opposed can be in reality so closely related...

But why am I writing about this, you ask? Well, after all that stressing and depressing, our relocation to Montreal from Connecticut has finally arrived. We're here, in temporary housing while we hunt for the perfect house. We arrived to the West Island section of Montreal a week ago and it looks awesome. I don't know if I'm in denial or if my expectations of the move were so bleak that almost anything is good, but I actually am happy with the way things are going.

West Island is a predominantly anglophone area, which helps a lot to my positive thinking. We've heard amazing things of the school district and Welcome Programs in the elementary school, which has gone to relief at least 50% of the nightmares I was having. Finally, the area is so far from downtown Montreal--a good and a bad thing in itself--that it has the feeling of a small european town from a hundred years ago. Beautiful!

I know harder times are coming as school starts soon and my kids, who know less than the basics of french, will have to attend an all-french school. Still, I'm trying to concentrate on the positives. I'm determined to go back to that novel I've been working on for forever, and that means I won't be writing short stories for some time, but just the clicking, soft touch of the keys on my fingers feel so good! I missed writing so much and hadn't even realized it.

What can I tell to all of you reading this that are going through some stressful time? Confront your demons, grab the bull by the horns, embrace the inevitable. Dreading the fact will only bring you nightmares and a hell of an ulcer. If you take action and move forward, it might still be a trying time, but at least you'll be working on the solution.


Remember that IWSG is an awesome group where writers of all genres, published or still in the making, share their knowledge and support other writers. Help spread the love and visit the rest of the participating blogs, just click on the dedicated page of this blog. As always, thanks to ninja warrior Alex J. Cavanaugh for creating the group. Now go on and click.

Feeling Good about Writing

Holy cow! Can you believe it's already May? Wow, the year has really slipped by for me. All things considered, it's been a good ride so far, and thanks to all your support last month, I'm feeling much more positive about the impending move. So, when I was thinking on my post for today, I decided to dedicate it to a few words of encouragement instead of the usual angst. I'm hoping to repay your kindness with encouragement that will hopefully made you feel better. At least for today.

The path to create something subjective like art or novels is a difficult one. Not only are we confronted by our natural need of being accepted and loved, but we receive constant negative or derogatory comments. It seems the world thinks writing books or painting watercolors is as easy as changing socks. Every-freaking-body thinks they can write. I keep hearing from non-writers how they wished they had the time to write a book, 'cause they have these great ideas! Some of those ideas are actually great, but you and I know writing a book takes a whole lot more than time. We know because we do all kinds of time-bending and soul-gymnastics to write from the deepest, most personal nooks in our minds. And even if it were only about time, I usually wonder if these people think I do nothing but stare at my computer all day. Who raises my kids, cleans my house, cooks? And that's just because I'm lucky enough not to need a day job (thanks to God and the hubby for that!). While non-writers daydream and complain, every writer I know squeezes every last second of the day to manage a few words more.

So there. Give yourself a pat on the back!

But that's not our only daily triumph. We keep pounding the keyboard without any certitude that the many hours we've poured into our fictional worlds will ever see the light of day. And when we finish, we are confronted with the terrifying reality of searching for acceptance out there, in the real world. We send our babies to agents and publishers, hoping for the best and dreading the worst. We receive harsh criticism on a regular basis. And yet somehow, every time we find the strength to do it all over again. Just the fact that we've written THE END on something is a big accomplishment. Do you know the failure rate among wanna-be-writers? You have given a HUGE step forward. Your ms may seem like garbage to you now, and it is far from finished, but you have accomplished what millions before you have not.

So, there's another reason to think you're awesome!

And like I was saying just now, if you have send anything to a publisher or have queried innumerable agents seeking for representation, you are brave. It's not easy to put yourself out there and open to being rejected--which you most probably have experienced at least once. That requires courage! And to send your story to a new publisher/agent after it was rejected once, twice, or a million times requires not only courage, but tenacity. Those are the steppingstones to success.

So take a drink on your name, eat a celebratory donut with sprinkles on top, or a sunday. Recognize the strength in yourself on a daily basis, that way when your insecurities come a-knocking, you'll know what your heart and mind are made of. What you are writing/feeling/going through may not be good, but as long as you remember there's a grain of greatness in you, you'll find your way to the top.

Thanks to Alex for giving us this great outlet to vent/find support. Don't forget to click on the IW Support Group page on top this blog to visit more writers and keep spreading the good vibes!

IWSG to the Rescue

I've been absent quite a bit lately. The first two months of the year are usually hard for me as I find my way into the productive streak of before Christmas break. This year has been particularly hard, you can tell because it is April and I haven't found my grove. Last week I thought I had it back, I wrote one third of a new story, completely plotted two more, and put in shape the outline for the novel I'm currently working in. Good, right? Then disaster stroke. I was informed that there is a very high probability that the place I call home now, won't be so for long. We'll probably need to relocate to another country as soon as this August.

Now, this might seem like not so tragic, certainly not writing-related. The thing is that we've moved quite a bit in the past nine years and I'm tired. When we came back to Ct and bought a house, I settled. I let my heart set roots. I pictured my kids running and playing around our beautiful pond until they were too old to be interested in mud pies. I made friends and felt part of the community. Now all that's about to change. Wherever we go, we have to start over, and we ain't coming back. That breaks my heart and has made it very difficult for me to concentrate in my writing.

There are so many things to take care off, so many goodbyes to say. I'm in a constant state of shock and sadness. I also know I have to snap out of it, my writing awaits and I can't keep making excuses to not go back to my projects.

I'll get past this. We'll get past this. And in the meantime, maybe killing off some character can prove therapeutic. Right?

IWSG is the brain child of ninja master, Alex Cavanaugh. Please stop by the many other blogs participating and share a few words of encouragement. The complete list can be found on the corresponding page on the top portion of this blog.

IWSG December

Well, hello there insecure writer fellow! Hope December finds you well and your fingers tired of bangin' that keyboard. Lately, I haven't been as riddled with insecurities since I've been blessed to a very positive second half of the year. Oh, I know they're there, waiting to jump on me at the first sight of trouble. But I'll have you, then. Right?  =)

Anyway, so I'm considering to start actively searching for an agent. It is a big endeavor. Oh, you see? My insecurities just flashed me a big smile from the dark corner, over there. (Shoo! Go away, now! She whispers.)

I know some of you have agents and I'm wondering how's your experience been. I don't mean if you get along with your agent, which I think is a basic, but in your experience getting published. Has having an agent opened doors for you? Does it make it any easier to get published? Would you recommend an already traditionally published author to get an agent as the next step? I'm just very curious about the whole thing, so just tell me about your experiences. Why you love your agent, or why you hate him/her. I'd like to hear the good and the bad, that way I won't expect rainbows when there will be storms.

As always, thanks to Alex Cavanaugh for making all this possible. Check the IWSG list of participating blogs here, or like their Facebook page.

Have a great Holiday Season, gang, and kick 2013 off in the best way possible. See ya in 2014!!

Coffin Hop Winners and IWSG

I want to start by thanking the amazing people who make possible the Coffin Hop: Axel Howerton and Julie Jansen. Their dedication to organizing and visiting everyone's blog shows in the success of the hop, year after year. To all of those who participated, reading your entries was a lot of fun, and the prizes were awesome. And finally, to all of you who kept coming back to read and comment, I owe you a debt of gratitude I cannot pay. I HAD A BLAST and hop you feel the same.

So, the winner of a digital copy of DEATH BY DRIVE-IN, the Coffin Hop anthology, is:

JEANETTE J!!

Congrats!!!

Please, leave your email in the comment section so we can get in contact to send you the file.

And like that October is gone and November is here. The year is coming to an end, can you believe it? For the penultimate Insecure Writers' Support meeting I don't have a sad story or a personal moment of self doubt. Instead I want to direct a message to all IWSGs participating in NaNoWriMo this year:

Source: Terrible Minds

Because I value my sanity and my marriage, I don't participate in NaNo. One day the girls will be grown up and I won't have PTO meetings, Girl Scouts duty, soccer, or swimming. Then I'll pound the heck off my computer keys and join you in the fun. But in the meantime, I'll live vicariously through you. 

Keep writing, guys. Don't worry about good writing, just write. You'll edit tomorrow. Go you!!

Can Bad Writers Get Better?

Like so many fellow writers, I strive to become better at my trade all the time. I'm always reading things and surrounding myself with people that will teach me new tricks. At this stage of my career, this is easy. Almost anyone knows more than I do and that's why it is so much fun to read other's blogs, participate in critique groups, attend Creative Writing classes, and simply hang out with people. Of course reading is one the most important tools to teach us the do's and don't's of writing.

In our never-ending quest, thousands of writers around the world have read Stephen King's On Writing. It is an excellent book that isn't scholarly but above the Writing for Dummy kind of books. However, there is a section in it that truly disturbed me. Mr. King classifies writers in the following range:

Bad Writers
Competent Writers
Good Writers
Great Writers
Genius Freaks

The classification is pretty easy to understand. We all know we are no Shakespeare or Faulkner, and we'll never be. Geniuses are born, never made. However, he contents that Bad Writers can never grow to become Competent Writers, and Good writers will never achieve Great Writer status. It is only possible, with huge amounts of work, dedication, and timely help, to make a Good Writer out of a merely Competent one.

Well, then I guess we know now why most kids in the King household are writers. When they came home from school saying math was just too difficult, their father must've said "Oh, foggedabouit!"

I say bullshit.

I believe that with determination and hard work, we can always improve. No matter how bad a writer, mathematician, or coroner you are. If you bust your ass off, you'll improve. I get that bad will hardly ever turn into great, but why discourage people? No, I refuse.

To all my IWSG inky cohorts, I tell you that to become a Better Writer, first you have to acknowledge your flaws. Do not let nay sayers change your path (including your self doubts), and charge ahead to make the changes. Remember that everything worth it takes time and effort. So,

Go for it!

IWSG, Summer Wrap Up, and General Catch Up

That'd be me, cooling and writing. The hunk'd be my muse, ugly as a bitch but plenty helpful.

Well, hello everyone! Yeah, I know, I know. I've been away for quite some time but summer got me wrapped up in all kinds of exciting, writerly things. How was your summer? Busy? Horribly hot and humid? However you spent these months, I sure hope you enjoyed yourself.

As for me. Where to begin...

The girls were off to their grandparents for the whole time, which gave me full control over my days. I'm telling you, 24 hours hadn't felt that productive (and long) in nine years! I was committed to write two short stories for two different anthologies, was asked to contribute to a noir mag, had my Haunted Manhattan blog thing, attended my first-ever writer's retreat, and finally traveled to Mexico to bring the girls back home. Just got here over the long weekend... So whoo, was I busy!

NEWS:

• I'm very happy to say Burial Day Books has officially accepted my gothic story A DIARY OF MADNESS for publication in their anthology GOTHIC BLUE BOOK 3, scheduled to be released for Halloween. Yipee!!

• I also completed (and submitted) a story for an invite-only anthology. Since I haven't received an answer, we can't celebrate just yet nor will I reveal the name of the anthology. But please, do keep your fingers crossed. 

• I'm still madly working in another story that the editor is waiting for the end of the month. It has given me a hard time because it is in a genre I don't usually write, but I said this would be a summer to go out of my comfort zone. So there.

• About the Haunted Manhattan series... I did drag the hubby all over Manhattan, taking pictures of the places that were voted for you among the most haunted I could find. No experience was had, sadly, but it was a lot of fun. And I have great pics to show. Wait for them starting next week.

All in all this was an amazing time full of experiences that helped me grow as a writer, and this is where the IWSG comes in.

Today I don't have an insecurity to share but a smile and my experiences. Three months ago I was debating with myself, thinking maybe I should stop playing writer and do something real. So much time lapsed between my last publication and a new one that I though it'd been a fluke. Today I can't be happier or more fullfiled. I know tough times will come once more, but I have to feed off the good ones to make it to the other side.

During the writer's retreat, one of the things we talked about was positive advice. What was the best we'd ever gotten. The answer is: READ, WRITE, and SUBMIT. There is no secret to become a published writer, only infinite patience and pigheadedness.

READ to be better. Read classic books even if they're out of your genre. Read everything that falls in your hand and you will lear what works and what doesn't.

WRITE no matter how awful it may seem today. There is always tomorrow, you'll get better and your writing will do too. But you can't be better if you don't try it. The thing with a job well done is that it looks so easy... great literature seems so effortless! But it isn't and if you stop trying, you'll stop growing.

SUBMIT to small presses as well as big ones, you never know who you'll meet or where the next break will come from. A few months ago I submitted to an anthology. My story was rejected but two months later I got an invitation to participate in an anthology from one of the editors.

Success takes the combination of perseverance, luck, and maybe talent (there are plenty of untalented people shoving money out the window). Our job is to position ourselves so when luck comes knocking, we are within reach of that door.

I wish you a phenomenal end of the season. Happy second anniversary to the Insecure Writer's Support Group and may this year be the one your dream comes true. Don't forget to stop by the Amazing Ninja Alex Cavanaugh's blog to get more news!

See ya next week!

Inspiration and Summer Reflexion

Summer's here. There are kids to be entertained, pools to be jumped, beaches to be swam, drinks to be drunk, friends to be enjoyed, and work to be done. Will we have time to fit it all? I don't know, but what is life if you don't live it with a smile, right? So, while I will have to crunch a lot of writing time to meet all my deadlines, I know I have to make some time to have fun, bathe in the sun, and swim in the pool. I'm also trying to put together a summer project for the blog, going to NYC and visiting reputed haunted places to post pictures and experiences here.

So, my advice for all insecure writers out there would be to have fun. There is no way to fill the never-ending well of inspiration if we don't get out and live. Experience new things, laugh until you cry, watch a movie, find out you most definitively could've written it better, then go on and write it! Make new friends and tend to old ones. Spend time with the family. When the leaves make their little dance on the chilling air, you'll be fuller, happier, tanner, and maybe wiser. And you can only be a better writer because of it.

The Victor

~Charles Ghinga.

IWSG June

Here we are once more, almost half way through the year and calling on all insecure writers to come together, to cheer each other up. How's been your 2013 so far? For me, it has been a year of ups and downs. Last year I was super motivated, writing 2 posts every month for the blog and reading like crazy. I started reviewing, discovered I was really good at it, and enjoyed it a lot.

This year, however, I've been mostly concentrated in writing fiction. I have many stories doing the rounds, but none has yet found a house. The snag? Well, I haven't been as active in the blog, and my reading is just not happening. I'm sad to say I may miss my goal of books read for the year by a long shot. And since I'm not reading, I've stopped reviewing. Still, writing is good, right?

I'm trying to keep positive, pick up my reading, and finding new bookish activities to ignite my fire, again. But I won't stop writing, and I won't stop trying to land a new publication.

I hope for the rest of you things are going well and you are facing the hot season with lots of plans and a great attitude. Tell me all about it! Best wishes to all. And remember to go to the IWSGroup page and get to know more amazing writers. There's hundreds now!

"To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength." 

~Chris Jami.

Call for help. IWSG to the rescue

April is gone and we are now facing our May IWSG meeting. It's been a long time since I gave credit to the awesome ninja writer Alex Cavanaugh for being the master mind behind this group. There are hundreds of great writers posting about their insecurities, successes, and experiences on this day. If you want to find out more, you can alway click on the page I have dedicated to the group, or you can go directly to the source and find out bout the Captain Ninja yourself.

So, yes, it's already May. The year is going so fast! And I think it has been a very busy, very interesting year so far. I'm making an effort to stray from my comfort zones, and grow as a writer. I tried my first ever Creative Writing class with success and a few tears (refer to this post); I'm also writing more thrillers and noir stories, which have been lots of fun; and I even learned a few things about writing poetry. That last one was a bit painful, though, and I don't think I feel inclined to try that road again, at least not any time soon.

In general, I'd say I'm feeling positive about my writing these days, although there are always doubts and it's been too long since I have received an acceptance. Of course, then, I'm having a hard time letting the rejections slip off me and I'm not jumping to write the next submission letter as soon as I can. Still, I have a short story and three flash fictions doing the rounds and I'm trying to keep my faith in myself up. How? By writing more. I'm currently working on three more short stories and a novel. So I'm busy, and kinda happy.

And where does the 'support group' part of the post come in? Well, I need to ask you a favor. One of those stories I'm working on is a gothic horror and I'm stuck. I've been told that the story 'told' to much and 'showed' little, so I worked on that. I was also told that it was a bit 'baroque', meaning I needed to pair down the narrative, which I also did. Sadly, by now I just don't see the story anymore. The details are too familiar for me and I like too much to be any objective. I would love for a few critical eyes used to gothic style to give their opinions, but I just don't know anyone willing to break my heart and be blunt. So, the question for you: do you, or do you know of anyone who would like to help me? I can always pay with the same token... And with chocolate. Lots of chocolate. =)

Well, then, that's it for me. Now to you: Tell me how do you feel about your year so far? Is it going like you expected? And what do you do to keep your morale high?

I hope you have an excellent an inky May. Cheers!

Nature vs Nurture.

Hope everyone got a great long weekend to enjoy, celebrate (Easter, Passover, or simply the joy to be alive), and get a head start on your spring cleaning... which I did not. Clean, I mean. I mostly enjoyed the family and talked to friends. It was a breath of fresh air.

For my awesome friends at IWSG, it's April's time for a meeting and I hope you find yourselves welcoming a yet cold but still here spring. This time I'm taking a different approach to the meeting and instead of focusing on my insecurities, I want to share with you something a friend asked me over the past weekend.

She recently read my book, PERPETUAL NIGHT, and asked me about the protagonist, Lilibeth Royster. She wanted to know why I chose Lilibeth to be a teenager and if the story was really at its core about the age-old debate of Nature vs Nurture. Since this isn't the first time that a reader makes the conclusion that the story pitches in on the argument, I thought it'd be an interesting post to share.

Childhood is the period of time when our parents teach us everything we must know. When the building blocks are cemented in a firm foundation that'll carry our future. If we grow good or bad, at this point, depends on them. And here is where the Nurture vs Nature debate starts. 

I don't believe that one person is born evil or bad, in that sense I'm with the nurture side of the argument, but it is impossible to deny that there are genetics involved in most every psychological aspect of our personality. The depressive personality, the overachiever, the shy, the sociopath... genetics can't be set aside. But not every psychopath grows to be a killer. Not every shy person will be insecure. Where does the difference reside between your manipulating ex-boyfriend and Ted Bundy? Our environment, I think, makes a huge difference in what we do with the cards we were dealt.

For me, the trickiest part of growing up is surviving our adolescence. I made Lilibeth a teenager because that's the period of time when we become responsible of our own lives. Even with the best foundations and the best materials, a building can fail if badly built. In PERPETUAL NIGHT, Lilibeth is confronted with a world that treats her like a child, that is condescending and unforgiven. Gone are the years of fairies that'll give her money for her teeth. Santa is not real and Lilibeth, like every other teen, must accept that real life sucks and then move on.

Teens are neither kids nor adults, they feel isolated because they are. They don't know where the self begins and the parent ends.They are searching for themselves. They lash at a society that has no place for them. They oppose their parents because they need to assert themselves as individuals. 

I tell you, being a teen sucks. Then, at the risk of looking like a cruel god, what if the teen is put under extraneous circumstances? Can they be trusted to make the best decision? That's a question over which every parents looses sleep and that's where I put Lilibeth. I surrounded her with night terrors, visions, and the shadow of mental disease in the family. And a bad breakup, of course, since 90% of the worst decisions I ever took were made under the influence of a bad breakup.

So there you go, in my mind PERPETUAL NIGHT isn't a story about Nature vs Nurture. Lilibeth's neither a sociopath nor a psychopath. It is an analysis of ourselves, the 'normal' people. We all have within us a dash of egocentrism, a sense of entitlement, and can experience genuine moral conflict. And still none of us are free of making bad decisions that'll change the course of our lives. We are just lucky that our worst didn't impact our future. We are lucky to have survived our teens.

Share with me, were your teen years too hard? And where do you stand, nature, or nurture?

For more info on the book or to read an excerpt, go to Perpetual Night, ebook and don't forget to 'Look Inside'.

About Editing and Insecurities. February's IWSG

February has arrived, another IWSG is here, and I'm still up to my eyeballs in things to do. And though I'm feeling less overwhelmed by all my tasks, my insecurities have flared up.

For two weeks now I've been working in a story I wrote about a year ago. Back then I wrote and rewrote, edited a third time and sent it to my editor for a final check up which ended in a fourth and final version. The story was on the long side with 7000+ words but I was happy with it. I submitted it and received seven different rejections, so I decided to read it once more. And I was horrified by the thing. Which brings us to the present, to the new editing process and to the old insecurities.

It doesn't matter how much I work on it or how many times I rewrite, I always feel like there's something wrong with it. After two weeks now, I dread the moment I'll go back to work on the thing. But I know that's the way it is, I'll never be sure about how good it is, not even if it gets published. I just have to keep giving my all and hope I'll know when to let go.

Which brings me to a question. Fellow insecure writers, what do you think of editing programs like Autocrit, Editminion, and Pro Writing Aid? I'm using the latter and it has been of great help but no matter what I do, it keeps finding 'mistakes', like I use too much "like" or that my median sentence is 10.5 instead of 11... This last thing is a big problem for me because my published novella has been accused of runaway sentences, so I tend to be more concise now. Then comes this program and I'm supposed to be ok with 35 word-long sentences? I just don't know... Help, please!!

The story is down to 5900 words, which is a small success in itself, and at the end of the week I think it'll be ready for someone to read it. It is a horror short with strong Italian folklore elements. If you feel like reading it and give me your harshest critics, I'll be happy to pay in the same token.

Well, I guess it is time to get back to work. Wish me luck!

Have an awesome, insecure-free month of February!

To Plan or Not To Plan...

Here we are once more, the first post--and IWSG meeting--of 2013. I guess the joke's on those who spent their life savings on underground bunkers and enough Campbell's soup to last a nuclear winter. But, if you ask me, anyone who didn't pay attention to the surviving Mayas saying they knew nothing about this End of the World nonsense had it coming. Still, I feel bad for them. 12/13/12 must've been a very awkward day at the office.

My mother always tells me everyone talks about the fair depending on how it went for them and she is right. And though I know it's frowned upon to talk ill of the recently deceased, I must say last year was not my best year. Not by a long shot, but it wasn't a total wash either. It was more like some idle time where I didn't accomplish many goals but I set the ground work that will enable me to see them come to fruition. Half of 2012 was gone by the time I got my sh*t together. But it ended on a high note, and for that I'm grateful. Now, I'm back at my computer like a year ago, feeling like it was yesterday when 2012 knocked on my door with the promise of so many possibilities. As did the year before. And the one before that.

Differently to those past years, this January 2nd I don't have fail resolutions. I don't feel the burden of failure and the excitement of turning the page anew. For me, this wednesday feels exactly the same as last wednesday. My goals haven't changed and the foundations that took me all that 'idle time' to build are still there, giving fruits. I didn't even bother to think of my new year's resolutions. I have my old year resolutions that haven't changed. And I'll be damned if I don't finish with those first before I set new ones.

Most people talk about their expectations for the new year, their dreams and hopes. They are determined to change that which derailed last year's hopes and dreams. This time it will be different, they say. And then they go on and put 8 out of the 10 failed items on the list once more. What's the point, I say. Did your mom write a new To Do list when you hadn't finished the last one? Had she re-written it on a different color paper or with a different pen, would you have felt more inclined to finish it faster?

Nonsense. I still want to loose those 10 lbs I have been carrying around my mid-section since my youngest one was born, six years ago. I still want to get on the treadmill at least three days a week. I still know that unless I set a schedule and actually stop eating and start exercising, those two items will remain in my To Do list for quite some years. What I'm trying to say is that we all start the year with our best intentions and daydreaming with the possibilities, but it is about October that we realize those dreams were unrealistic or that we haven't been serious about them. It is then that we start to scramble to make it happen, knowing it is impossible. Then we get depressed at our failure and want to strike it off our record with the new year. What if instead of stopping the effort you started in October you kept going until you actually made it?

This is what I'm planning to do. I'll keep posting every monday and friday--plus every first wednesday of the month--on this blog. I'll keep working on my new novel, carrying the momentum that took me so long to build. I'll keep trying to be a better writer, mother, wife, and daughter everyday. And I'll keep refusing to call myself a failure until success is the only word left in my vocabulary.

I wish the same for you. Happy new year!

And That's a Wrap on 2012 IWSG

I can't believe how fast the year went by. It's already December, the holidays are almost here, and the last of this year's ISWG post is knocking on our doors. Where did the eleven previous months go?

Given the time of year, I guess the most appropriate thing for this post is to analyze how far I went on my endeavors this year, what did I learn, but most of all, where did I fail. It's not that I want to brood but it is only through an honest appraisal of our mistakes that we will grow. So here I go...

I'm happy with the way I'm writing now. I've found my groove through organization of what little time I have to write and now I'm moving faster with my current novel. I wrote down a schedule for the whole week and then broke it down for each day and when I actually follow it, I go to bed feeling like I accomplished something; like it was a happy, productive day. It is a great feeling that inspires me to keep writing every day.

What I learned was that even small, tiny progress needs to be put on a schedule. Because I have few hours to write I thought it wasn't important to actually organize my time into slots. "It's so little, anyway"I kept repeating. That only made me feel like I was failing everyday. So organization is key for my spirits and now that I know, I will carry this lesson into next year.

Where did I fail... Well, I kept excusing myself for my lack of progress in the complicated schedule that I have. I repeated to myself that I was doing everything I could but in my heart I knew I could do better. The thing that paralyzes me is fear. Fear to not meet my own standards. What if I raise the bar only to fall flat on my face? That prevented me from asking myself to do more. And sadly, that fear is something I haven't conquered. I know it's there, I know it cripples me, and I know sometimes it wins. What I want to work on for next year is in winning more than it does.

And talking about fear, I would greatly appreciate your ideas and opinions in another matter that has been troubling me for some time now. A few months ago I was talking to my husband about how I wanted to be of more help in the financial aspect of the house, maybe not a big thing but just to buy my books and stuff, you know? He then suggested me to look for a job as a writer, either writing reviews or articles in general for a magazine. The idea to work as a freelance writer implies in my mind a lot of work. It is not something you do in your odd hours, I think. But writing for a specific magazine with an expected number of articles/reviews per month might be doable. I mean, I've been reviewing for free all this time, right? Thing is, I don't have ample experience--only half a year with Dark River Press and a year and a half in this blog--and my only credentials are my published works (only two, so far). My university background is not related to the field AT ALL, not even a Creative Writing curse... so should I do it? Will it take too much out of my time? Will someone give me work? And are there even magazines that pay its reviewers? I don't know... This one is giving me cramps. Any help, please?

I hope your year was, all in all, good and productive. That you learned a lot and are looking forward for more. I wish your holidays are full of love and great memories, and that next year will be even better, grander, and happier for all of us. Cheers IWSG!

Growing up, Moving on, And Believing in Myself

A new IWSG is here and it catches me as I've decided to get to the next phase of my life as a writer. When I started this blog, almost two years ago, I was unsure about my talent as a writer or blogger. It was after many years of my husband's and father's insistence to give it a try, that I finally decided to toss the coin for my future.

A lot has changed since. Today, I believe I'm a writer. Heck, I even introduce myself as such! I know there is a lot of space for improvement and I can't hardly say I'm as good as I will ever be--certainly, I hope not, 'cause that would suck--but I'm sure I'm on the right track. Writing makes me happy. I've even found out I'm a decent reviewer, who would've thunk it?! I now have published a couple of my works and have many more looking for a house. You could say I'm growing up; maturing.

Now I feel it's time to take those experiences, that self-assurance I didn't have before, and project it on to all of my endeavors, like this blog. As a celebration of my new-found certitude, I've decided to change the appearance, and even the title, of this blog. The IP address will remain the same, since I do not wish to loose all of you, as the posts and vein in which I write. Think about it more like a facelift in an attempt to look more professional and attract more readers to my books. Isn't, after all, that what we all want?

I'm no designer or programmer, though, and my knowledge of computers and programs is very limited, so it might take a few weeks. But rest assured, next month you will find same old me under a newer, hopefully improved, facade. Do not miss the grand unveiling!

Belated Happy Halloween to all, and I hope you are having an excellent NaNoWriMo for those of you with a taste for torture. ;)

From Conventions to Confessions

As October's Insecure Writer's Support Group meeting is upon us, the foremost thought in my mind are writing conventions--or, in my case, horror conventions.

Now, our paths are as varied as the experiences that have brought us to the point we are today. Some of you may have attended many conventions and conferences, some may have tried either one of them, or maybe, like me, neither.

Invariably, we all have heard of what a great resource this events are for building confidence, work on our craft, develop our selling aptitudes, and networking. However, I'm convinced that like any other experience in our life, the more you do it, the better you know how to take advantage of it. So, here is what I propose: I'll tell you my story, my reason for haven't attended one of these events yet, and I'd love to read of your experiences. Good, bad, or your own reason for still haven't tried. My goal is to make of this little entry a well of do's and don't's that will enrich all of us, helping first-timers and veterans alike to take full advantage of the unique opportunities that conventions bring.

In my case, I've been trying to pull resources from everywhere to get myself into one of the many conventions my publisher attends, but alas, the cost of feeding a family and paying a mortgage proved too much to allow space for another career in this family, other that my husband's.

I don't have any more copies of my book to sell on my own, and I simply can't pay hotel and food for the whole family, even if it's only for two days. Any of you mothers and fathers reading this will know that the most modest road trip with two young kids can add up quickly. "Then go by yourself!" you say...well, that's where my real problem comes in: Fear.

I'm afraid I'll look like an idiot who doesn't know what to do, where to go, what to say, or where to stand; completely out of place. Who will I talk to or what about? You see, I'm a shy and insecure person though most of my family and friends would consider me outgoing and easy to make friends. And I am. I'm all of those things. I'm shy and awkward with people I don't know and have a horribly hard time making small talk or saying hi for the first time, but if you come to me and start talking, I'll engage in an easy conversation and might even end up making a new friend. Still, I wished I had a writer buddy close enough for us to attend together. You know, like a comfy blankie.

I keep reminding myself that as the year began, I made myself a promise that this year I would challenge my fears and move out of my comfort zone. And even though chances are slim, I will still make my biggest most honest effort--and savings--to attend AnthoCon in Portsmouth, NH, the last 2012 convention for PostMortem Press. Wish me luck!

Time for a Break?

Summer is finally over, school is back and with it a sense of order returns to our lives. At least for mothers and fathers it does, anyway. We look at our messy house and sigh a sigh of relieve. We survived the insufferable attack of our kids under the influence of too much leisure time, too much sugar, and heat waves. We greet our old friend Silence as we sit at our desks and open our computers, ready to retake control of our writerly dues.

With this welcome change of pace comes another Insecure Writers meeting, and how wonderful! I could actually hear my thoughts as I mulled over what route to take for this latest installment. Given that I haven't been able to write much lately, I decided to talk about rejection. When is it time to pull the plug on a story and let it go into the archives labeled as 'For Future Analysis?"

I have three short stories I considered finished by the beginning of summer. In fact, two of those I've been trying to publish for a little over four months; for the last piece, a Flash Fiction, although I finished it over a year ago, it's only recently that I decided I was interested in publishing it. So far I've garnered four rejection letters for the shorts and both are presently being considered by a fifth mag. No word on weather they have already read them and are thinking about it, or if they're still on the slush pile. You know how it goes.

The flash, though, I only submitted to two publications. Both rejected it, but the latest was awesome enough to actually write back with a series of commentaries as to why they had found the story wasn't up to their standards. It was so good and refreshing! Finally someone telling me what I'm doing wrong, at least to their eyes. After reading their mail, I re-read my piece, thought about it, considered their words, and found out there was so much more I could do to make the story better. Before submitting the story I had send it to a reader to get feedback, but still I guess I was too close to the story to notice many of its shortcomings. Now I'm now working on it, polishing it for a new round of queries.

Then, about the other two... A few months ago I came across a publication called The Rejected Quarterly which mission, they state, is to publish unusual fiction that doesn't fit anywhere else. The first requirement? Have at least five rejection letters for the piece you are submitting to them. My plan is to query both stories at least two more times (provided that this fifth time isn't the charm), then submit them to Rejected Quarterly, and if rejected again, file them for good.

I don't mean to let those stories gather dust forever and ever, but to let them rest a few years as my skills develop further and I become less attach to them. When I feel like it's the time to give them a new chance, or I have no new ideas (it can happen), then I'll revise them and make them pretty all over again.

I don't think a story is ever truly dead. It tugs at you to be told and weather you let it lay dormant for sometime, or you choose to tell in a whole different way, it will always find its way out of your mind. What do you think? How many rejections are enough for you? What do you do with those stories? I've always heard that you should let your stories breath between drafts to get a better perspective of them. I give three to six months before I go back to a story to work on a second draft, maybe I should leave more time. What do you think?

Another Insecure Writer's Rant

I took a long time from my writing duties as I escaped back into the arms of vacation. After two years, I went to visit family and friends in Mexico City where I found the city's traffic impossible and the problems of the city much of the same. I enjoyed the company of many members of my family who don't have the means to visit us in the US and the girls had a huge dose of pampers that will cost me years to undo, but hey, what are grandparents for if not to spoil their grandkids?

All in all it was an awesome trip that we as a family deserved. We even got a cute little addition to our family in the form of an adorable two month old beagle the kids named Luna. It was all worth it and from the most unexpected of places I also won a life lesson I won't be forgetting anytime soon.

Luna and the two cutest monsters you'll ever meet.

You've all heard how the insecurity is in Mexico, how dangerous it is, how unsafe. Well, I'm Mexican and I thought I was above feeling insecure in my own house. I thought I was above having to look where I was going into, or looking above my shoulders. I refused to give in to those alarmist reports and brazenly stepped into areas my own compatriots warned me against. I was this close to pay dearly for that mistake and I risked the lives of those I love the most. I won't go into the details of it, it'll take us way too long and off course of my point. I'll just give you the basic setting: It was both of my parents, my two girls, and me on an SUV trying to escape a sports car with two armed men bent on getting us. All on a small highway about four hours from the city. Let's just say I haven't been more scared in my life and I've never seen the barrel of a gun up so close.

I don't blame Mexico's situation, not even the drug cartels, I blame me and my hardheadedness. I should have known better that to risk my family's safety just to spite those who call my country a dangerous one. Sadly, they are right.

Anyway, the reason why I bring this up for our monthly Insecure Writer's Support meeting is because it made me reflect a lot about my life and my priorities. I've complained in the past for not having enough time to dedicate to my writing, for having way too much to do with two very young kids in the house. Well, in that split moment when I feared at least one member of my family would die, my writing was the one thing that din't flash before my eyes. I thought about not seeing my kids grow old, about living without my parents, about my husband being alone to raise our girls, but my already published book, its lack of outstanding sells, and the numerous pieces I'm working on didn't even register in my mind.

So many of us spend so much time unhappy about the state of our writing career that we loose sight of how important are the things taking most of our time! I do love writing, but I want my epitaph to say "Loving Mother and Wife" not "Dedicated Writer". Think about this, where your heart truly lies, and next time you feel depressed because of how little your career has advanced, picture that epitaph on your grave. What will it say? What do you want it to say?